rezamustappa

1:2

I’ve made two attempts to post something tonight, none of which I think really shows what I’m trying to say… So this time I’m going to try and simplify everything just a bit more.

It has been about a year, and I’m deeply thankful for everything. This time around, it feels like I’m coming home again. I really don’t have the right words to describe it…

I just want to say I’m thankful.

Alhamdulillah..

The smile that dissipates a thousand regrets.

It was as if you were looking for a way of life that needed no emotional dependency on anyone or anything. When you saw the remaining piece of you left behind, you knew that the way you defined yourself was out of whack.

The ground you stood on lacked stability, so eventually it was only natural to get down on your knees and prostrate. It was not until that feeling of warmth in your chest came did you know that all you had to do was go back to the root of yourself.

Sometimes, when you realize that you really didn’t need much in this world, it’s always when you get what feels like one of your biggest rewards. Of course, you could be wrong, but you feel that warmth again upon experiencing it that tells you otherwise.

‘When it is dark enough, you can see the stars’. If this was true, then you could tell yourself it has come for the better. You accept it as a gift, not like when your parents gave you that toy that you’ve always dreamed about when you were young; but like that random birthday card from someone you never thought you would hear from again, let alone remember your birthday.

It is that feeling of joy that doesn’t rush into you like great news, but rather alleviates the fact that you have stood through everything, all the while expecting no gratitude or anything in return.

Seems like we have found ourselves in a subtle weird coincidence. We’ve all had our fair share of not-so-subtle ones, and we know better that sometimes it really wasn’t worth anything in the end.

Maybe it is just a matter of time before we know. Maybe we’ll sweep it under the rug and won’t know at all, as sometimes certain things are really just perfect the way they are. It could all be just something that was worth pondering on and have a laugh about 5 years from now.

Till then, it is what it is. Something with a beauty that I cannot fully describe with the limitations of my writing ability, but is simply just like seeing the stars at night. Your mind suddenly blocks its worries and everything goes quiet at the thought that some things are really beyond our reach and control. As you gaze in awe at the glittering night sky, you artlessly appreciate just how wonderful it is to experience it.

Time will always tell.